fftl story

[Veggi Girl]

[glow=red,2,300]Ok, so I've wanted to start writing again for a while and I finally started last night. It's not about Green Day... sorry. Green Day is still my favorite band, but this one is about From First To Last... Sonny and me mostly *shifty eyes*. Anyway, I needed somewhere to put it so I hope no one minds it being here. You can comment on it if you like, it may improve my writing skills [/glow]




A typical day in Illinois. Cloudy, a little wind, nice breeze, perfect weather. I sat on the rail of my front porch shooing the dogs away from my feet. They were getting close to knocking me from the rail and down about ten feet to the ground. Sure, I could jump down and be perfectly fine, but I didn't want to fall that far. I decided that if they wanted my attention that much, I should just get off the damn rail. I got down, and sat on the ugly blue steps of the porch. As I threw the heavy little ball across the yard, I looked up at the trees. The leaves were green; Spring was coming to an end. I would be out of school, my senior year, over. It had just hit me. What was I going to do when I got to college that August? Was Journalism really for me? These thoughts sent chills down my spine. I had never questioned my chosen career, but now I was having doubts. Abigail brought the ball back. I threw it again and watched the dogs chase after it. They seemed so carefree, and I wished that I was like them. Little did I know, my life was about to get even more crazy.

I had been sitting down for about ten minutes, playing fetch with Abigail and Bianca, and then it happened. It meant nothing at first, just a beat-up truck going down the road, but when it got to the end if the street, it turned around.

"What the..." I whispered. My dogs must have been able to tell I was confused. They stopped running and they looked at the truck as it came back down the road and turned into my long driveway that led to the back door. "Could it be?" I asked myself. It didn't matter. I thought I saw it, but it wasn't possible... well, I thought it wasn't possible anyway. A few minutes later my mom came to the front door.

"Amber, there's someone here to see you." She looked confused. "He said his name is..." She paused for a minute as if she had already forgotten. She shook her head and said "Sonny?"

"Oh my God Mom! Sonny fucking Moore?!?!" I practically yelled as you know who walked onto my front porch.
"Yeah, that would be me." he said, so sure of himself. It amazed me. "I saw you sitting on the front porch. I told Matt to go back."

Oh my God. Was this really happening to me? Wake up Am wake up! No. He's right there. He leaned over and reached out his hand to help me up. I think I stopped breathing for a moment. I was drawn to his eyes. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was in heaven. Had I died? No, I was most definitely alive, and Sonny Moore was most definitely here, on my porch. Doing what? Oh no, reaching out his hand and now he looked completely confused. I suddenly realized he was waiting for my hand. I let him take my hand in his, and my heart started racing.

“Are you ok?” he asked me.

Was I ok? WAS I OK? Of coarse I was ok. I was more than ok. Sonny Moore was standing in front of me! He helped me to my feet, and I felt like I was in one of those silly romance movies. You know the ones that little kids sit and make ewy noises at because things are getting “intimate” as the adults call it. Anyway, I was on my feet, sort of. My foot had fallen asleep, and now I was using Sonny as balance. He didn’t seem to mind much. In fact, he looked like he enjoyed it, maybe a little too much because my mom made me wake my foot up.

“Stop using company as a crutch!” she yelled.
“It’s alright.” Sonny said, so sweetly. “I don’t mind, really.” Then he looked right into my eyes. “Do you want me to help you inside?”

Sonny Moore… He was helping me in my house. I knew now that I wasn’t dead, and I wasn’t dreaming. I knew this because my foot was in an extreme amount of pain from being asleep. He carefully helped me rest on the closest reclining chair.

“I’m going to tell Matt that this might take a while.” He said with a soft smile.

Oh my was he the sweetest guy I had ever met… And Matt, I had almost forgotten that Matt had been driving that old truck.

“Your friend is welcome to come inside if he wants.” My mom said before leaving the living room.

She was leaving me alone? With guys? Had she gone mad? Well, I was 18 I suppose. Not like I was a child anymore. And Sonny was an adult and Matt also. And besides, what was I going to do? Jump on Sonny the first chance I got? I could barely breathe, let alone talk.

One question kept repeating itself in my mind. Why did Sonny stop for me? I didn’t have much time to ponder on this question. Sonny and Matt walked into the house. I guess Matt could tell that I was in shock; he started answering questions that I hadn’t asked.

“Yes, I am Matt. No, you’re not asleep. Sonny and I are on a road trip. We are driving an older looking truck so people don’t recognize us.”
“Matt, you’re going to scare the poor girl. She obviously isn’t used to something like this happening.” Sonny said while he walked over to where I was sitting. “Are you feeling better now?”
“Was she sick?” Matt asked sitting down on the couch.

Sonny got on his knees and took my hand. He started rubbing it and he looked at me while he talked to Matt.

“No, but she was having trouble with breathing.” He explained.
“Oh God, you could tell that?” I asked.
“Look! She speaks!” Matt said sarcastically but playfully. “Listen Sonny, we gotta get back on the road soon if we want to meet the guys in time to play the Warped Tour. Just get the girl and let’s go.”
“Take the girl?” I asked. I was so confused at this point. None of this seemed real.
“Look. We have to go. Can you come with us?” Sonny asked me. He had this look in his eyes. A look of hope I think it was. He never let go of my hand.
I was shocked, but I managed to force out an “ok.”

He looked so happy. And I didn’t really understand what exactly I was getting myself into. My career would change. Would I even get to go to college anymore? Did it matter? Not at the moment. Right now, I was enjoying being with Sonny, though we weren’t technically together. He made it seem like we were though. He made sure I was never left out. My mom was hesitant to let me go with them, but Matt assured her that I would be fine, and reminded her that I was now an adult, ready to make my own decisions. I also got special permission from the school to graduate a week early. Senior year was finally over…

[Veggi Girl]

Matt practically shoved me into the old truck. It was a dirty green color. Normally I liked green, but this color made me want to throw up. Matt climbed into the driver seat and Sonny in the passenger seat. I was in the middle. Here I was, sitting between two great guys, and what was I doing? Wondering where I'm going. Wow, you think about the weirdest things sometimes. Anyway, I still couldn't figure out why Sonny made Matt stop for me. I thought I would ask.

"Sonny?" I began, kind of whispering. I didn't really know why I was whispering, it was just one of those moments that you felt like you had to whisper.
"Yes?" he asked as he reached for my hand.
"Why did you have Matt stop?"

I could sense that Matt was rolling his eyes as if to say "How could you not know?" But Sonny just smiled. I could tell he was hiding something, and though that bothered me, I didn't say anything. I didn't want to ruin what may be happening with us, if anything that is. I could tell he was definitely uncomfortable with talking about this around Matt.

"We need to get to a hotel." Was all Sonny said.

A hotel?!?!?! Oh no! What was he thinking? We just got on the road. Matt looked at Sonny like Sonny was losing his mind. We almost hit a car!

"Matt! Watch where you're going!" Sonny yelled. "We don't want to die today!"

I was stunned. Were we going to die? Matt looked like he hadn't had sleep in days, and Sonny had all this energy. What was going on? Matt pulled the truck over.

"I gotta get some sleep." He finally said. "I've been driving for days."
"I told you we need to get to a hotel." Sonny said in a matter-of-factly way. And then he looked at me, and then Matt again. "I can drive Matt. Let's just go to a hotel. Okay?"

Matt agreed after a while. And after a while on the road, I understood why it took so long for Matt to agree with Sonny. Sonny was the craziest driver I had ever seen. I guess he hadn't driven much, what with riding in a bus and whatnot.

"Sonny! Please stay on the road!" I yelled to him. I couldn't help but yell. I was scared half to death over his driving. And Matt was now fast asleep in the passenger seat. I felt like he was the luckiest person in the truck right now. He didn't have to see his life flash before his eyes.
"I know what I'm doing." Sonny said. "And besides, we're almost there."

He was right, we were almost there. I could see the hotel from where we were. It was nothing fancy, just a hotel. Sonny wanted to make sure no one would think to find them there. "I don't want us to be interrupted." He kept saying. I didn't know what to think about it, I just kept asking what he was so worried about, and he'd always say that he didn't want to be interrubpted. It was a bit confusing. What was so damn important that he couldn't be interrupted by a few fans wanting autographs?

We arrived at the hotel. We woke Matt up in the parking lot. He didn't want to get up, but Sonny told him that a bed would feel much more comfortable than the passenger seat of a truck. After thinking about it, Matt got out of the truck. He was so tired he could barely walk. Sonny and I practically carried him inside. Sonny kept appologizing to me the entire time.

We got two rooms. One for Sonny and Matt, and the other for me. Matt didn't think it would be appropriate for me to stay in the same room as two guys. Wait, Matt was being all gentleman like? What was going on? These two were supposed to be rockers. When was the rocking going to begin? I found out that night when I heard a knock on my door.

"Am?" It was Sonny's voice.
"What?" I asked a little annoyed because he woke me up.
"Are you asleep?"
"Not anymore."
"Well, can I come in then?"

I got up and unchained the door to let him in, and then turned around. I heard the door quietly shut behind me, and then I heard Sonny chain the door back up. I didn't think anything of it. He just wanted me to be safe, right? Safe was the wrong word. As I started to walk to my bed, I felt something pull on my wrist. It was Sonny's hand.

"Let go." I said playfully. He didn't. Instead, he pulled me back, turned around, and pushed me up against the door. I couldn't speak. My heart got faster and faster with each beat. Sonny leaned towards my face, and I was scared. So what did I do? I moved my head away.
"What are you doing?" I asked in a whisper. His chest was right next to mine, and he pressed me closer to the door.

"Shhh." He whispered and ran a hand through my hair. "Just relax. It'll be ok. I promise." He held my head still. He could tell I was nervous. Well, I was nervous, but in a good way. I didn't want this feeling to end. He kissed me. The man had passion, I'll give him that. I couldn't stop even if I had wanted to. But I didn't want it to stop. When he finally pulled me away, he found it difficult to explain why he had done what he did.

"You know that feeling you get right before you're about to do something you never have done before?" he asked me, and I nodded, although I wasn't sure what he was getting at. "Well, that's how I feel when I'm with you." He continued. I must have looked comfused because he went on. "Sit down." He said, so I did. "Now close your eyes."
"What?" I asked. "Why?"
"Just do it." He anwered. So I closed my eyes. Everything was silent for a while and then he pushed me down on the bed and I screamed and opend my eyes. "That weird scared feeling that you just got right then." He said. "You knew you shouldn't be scared, because it's only us in the room, but you were scared anyway. Right?"
"Yes..." I said. I understood what he was saying now. I was still lying down and he pulled my feet onto the bed so that I was completely on the bed. Then he got in bed with me and wraped one of his legs around my legs and wrapped one of his arms around my waist.

"Sonny?" I whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Why did you stop for me?"

It took a while for him to respond. "Well, I don't really know. I thought we missed our turn, so I told Matt to turn back around. And there you were, sitting on your porch. At first I thought maybe you could give us some directions, but when we drove up your driveway, you looked so sad, so alone. And, when I got on your porch, you..." He paused and put his head on my chest. "You just seemed right for me." He said.

We were both silent. It had started to storm. As the thunder got louder, Sonny and I got closer. It felt so right, us being so close. I almost fell asleep, I probably would have if Sonny hadn't kissed me again. Then there was a knock on the door, and then Matt's voice.

"Sonny! Sonny are you in there?" he said.
"He sounds mad." I whispered. "Maybe you should go?"
"Do you like me?" Sonny asked. It was a strange question. Why was he asking this? I wouldn't have let him kiss me if I didn't like him.
"Yes." I whispered. "But Matt is obviously not happy right now."
"Sonny! Get your ass out of there!" Matt yelled from behind the door.

I heard the door knob twist as Matt tried to get in. I guess I hadn't heard Sonny lock that part of the door too. I looked at the knob and felt Sonny move off of me. He was heading towards the window.

"What do you think you're doing? Use the door!" I whispered.
"If he's this mad, I don't want him to know I was in here." Sonny explained as he crawled out the window and on to the emergency escape exit. "If he's still yelling in about two minutes, go to the door and pretend like you just woke up." And then he left. A few minutes later, Matt was still at the door, not even running out of energy to yell. I heard a man tell him to be quiet a few times, but Matt wouldn't listen. I was afraid we were going to get kicked out, so I went to the door and opend it.

"Where is he?" Matt asked walking in and looking around. I yawned and pretended to have just woken up.
"Where's who?" I asked. "And why were you yelling?"
"Sonny. Where's Sonny? He's not in the room."
"Well I don't know where he is."
"Don't lie to me. He likes you. And I'm sure you probably like him too. But you shouldn't be sleeping together."
"Who's sleeping together?" I asked, trying to buy Sonny some time to get back in their room.

Matt didn't respond. He was too busy checking everywhere, even under the bed. No one hides under the bed anymore. It's too obvious. It's usually the first place everyone looks. After he was finished searching my room, he appologized and left. And I went back to sleep.

[Veggi Girl]

The next day I woke up to Sonny knocking on the door. He seemed sort of impatient.

"Am! Wake up! Wake up!" he yelled.

I answered the door in my bath robe and looked at my watch. It was 4:30 in the morning. What was he thinking being up this early?

"Sonny what the-" I didn't have time to finish. He walked in and slammed the door shut.
"We don't have a lot of time." He said. "Matt will wake up in about an hour."
"But-"
"Shh. He's just down the hallway." He gently pushed me onto the bed and climbed on top of me. We got under the covers and started to... well, we started, but I got scared again.
"Sonny, stop." I whispered.
"What?" He stopped and looked at me. "Wait, are you a..." he put his hand on my cheek and then ran his fingers through my hair. "Am, are you a virgin?"
"Uh, yeah." I said, still a little freaked out.
"Oh God I'm so sorry." He said as he climbed off of me.
"It's ok." I said. "I'm just really scared, and nervous."
"It's ok to be scared." He said as he put his clothes back on.

Sonny sat on the bed while I got dressed in the bathroom. He started to tell me that it was fine that I was a virgin and that if I wanted to wait he would wait for me to be ready. It was touching, really. Ok, it wasn't really that touching. But it was nice to know that he would wait. About fifteen minutes later Matt knocked on the door.

"It's unlocked!" Sonny yelled. He sounded sort of annoyed.
"Oh, good." Matt said as he walked in. "Look, are you two ready? We need to get going."
"Yeah." I said as I looked at Sonny. My clothes were already packed up and Sonny reached for one of the bags. "We're ready I guess." I ended and went over to Sonny. "I only have two bags, I can carry them myself. Besides, don't you have your own bags to carry?"
"Actually, I already took care of that." Matt said. "Can we go now?"

So we left the hotel. I still had no clue where we were going to. I mean, I knew we were on our way to a concert that the guys had to be at, but I didn't know where it was at. Matt was driving again, thank God. I was really tired from the night before, and I guess Sonny could tell. I kept falling asleep on his shoulder, but everytime we hit a bump I woke up. I started to think that Matt was hitting pot holes on purpose. I gave up after about an hour.

"Are we there yet?" I asked.
"Just go to sleep." Sonny told me. "It's been a long night."
"What?" Matt asked. "I knew you two were together!"

Sonny let it slip?!?! Oh my God! It was clear that Matt thought Sonny and I had sex. He kept telling us that if I got pregnant it would be really tough for the band. He said that Sonny and I needed to stay safe if we were going to do anything. I started laughing and Matt couldn't figure out why. He kept looking at me like I was going crazy. Maybe I was, being sleep deprived and all. I'm pretty sure Matt thought I was high or something because he kept asking Sonny what I was on. Sonny told him that I was just really tired, which made Matt question things even more.

"Look, we haven't had sex. Okay? Is that what you needed to know?" Sonny finally said.

I stopped laughing and Matt stopped the truck. He looked relieved, maybe just needed some time to think things over. After a few minutes, Matt started driving again. Very strange guy, Matt is... one minute he's happy for Sonny and me, and the next, he just wants to make sure I'm not going to get pregnant. I'm just not sure about him yet.

The entire time Matt was driving, I had no clue where we were. And to tell you the truth, I really didn't care where we were. I was with Sonny, and that was all that mattered. I was silent for most of the ride, just talking here and there, mostly to make sure I wasn't asleep. But Sonny and Matt talked a lot. They talked more than I had with my friends from school. It was weird to see them act this way. I could tell Sonny was starting to get bored because he started playing with my hair. He said it was fun. I don't know. I think it was just something to keep him busy while he talked to Matt. You know, so his fingers wouldn't fall asleep I guess. It wasn't easy for him to do much with my hair though, because he could only get to one side of it, Matt wouldn't let either of us get unbuckled for anything. He said that he didn't want to get pulled over because the last thing they needed right now was to be on one of those cop shows.

"We should meet up with the guys sometime tomorrow. We have time to get another hotel if you don't want to sleep in the truck." Matt said.

Now I was completely confused. Wasn't Matt the guy who was just giving us a lecture on why we shouldn't have sex? And that if we did decide to sleep together, we should be as safe as possible... And now, he wanted to get another hotel, after he was so cautious with us the night before? He was making no sense at all...

[Veggi Girl]

It was the same arrangement as before, Sonny and Matt would share a room and I would have my own down the hallway. This time Matt didn't really seem to mind that Sonny kept coming to my room. When I asked Sonny what Matt thought of him running back and forth from room to room, he told me that Matt just wanted to make sure that we weren't going to do anything. It made me laugh.

"I have an idea." Sonny said after a while of rocking out to music. "Let's go ride the elevator up and down."
"Why?" I asked laughing as Sonny pulled me into the hallway.
"Because it's fun."

Sonny ran down the hall, pulling me as he went. We passed Matt on the way. He yelled at us to see what we were doing, but Sonny kept running. I managed to tell him that Sonny was being very random and Matt didn't seem to think anything more of it.

When Sonny and I got to the elevator, Sonny kept pushing the up button until the door opened. He reminded me of a little boy who was riding in an elevator for the first time. Only, Sonny had done this before. A million times I was sure. We got in the elevator and Sonny pressed the button for the top level. He said that he wanted to see what it was like at the very top. I told him that it probably wasn't much different than the floor we were on. Still, he had to see for himself.

The door opened before the top floor, and an old woman got into the elevator. She looked at us like we were Satan's children. Sonny and I were both wearing black and red, and this woman looked like she wanted us to die. Sonny decided that he wanted to make her as uncomfortable as possible. She was standing right in front of the door, and Sonny and I were in one of the back corners. Out of no where, Sonny pushed me up against the back wall and started kissing my neck. I tried not to laugh as the woman looked back at us. I could tell she was hoping that the door would open soon. She had a few minutes of torture left. Sonny started telling me that I was beautiful and that we were going to be together forever. And then he started making up things just to freak this lady out.

"I hope it's a boy." He said pulling his lips away from my neck and patting my stomach. "I'll love the child if it's a girl, but I really want a boy." He started kissing me again. By this time the old lady was so anxious to get out of the elevator that she started pressing buttons. "I can't wait an entire nine months to find out..." he continued his lie. "What floor is our room on? I don't think I can wait much longer."

The door opened and the old woman ran out. As soon as the door closed Sonny and I fell to the floor laughing.

"Did you see her face?!?!" He asked.
"Yes, she looked like she wanted to kill you." I was almost crying I was laughing so hard. "And I think she seriously believed that I was pregnant!"

The elevator doors opened again at the top floor. I was right, it looked the same as the floor our rooms were on. We walked around, got back in the elevator, and went to the basement. It was like any other basement. Dark, damp, fun place to be in. Sonny pulled me around the first room. I really didn't want to walk around because it was really hard for me to see anything. I started to think about what would happen if we got caught down here. I didn't want to have to leave the hotel, but Sonny was having so much fun down here. I felt a little better when he found a flashlight. He scanned the room with the light. I held his hand tighter with every moment that we were down there. He could tell I was a little freaked out by the basement.

"Am," He whispered. "It's ok. Nothing's going to happen. We're fine."

I nodded and he kissed my cheek. We continued to walk from room to room in the dark basement. I still held his hand as we walked. I couldn't help but look behind me every other minute.

"Relax!" Sonny said. He kissed me, and held me around the waist. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and rested my head there too. I felt so safe right there, in his arms. We stayed that way for about five minutes. I didn't want him to let go.

When he did let go of me, we heard someone walking towards us. Sonny quickly put out the light and we hid behind a few big boxes. They were huge, Sonny and I probably could have fit in one of them. Sonny wanted to hide in one, but there was something in them, they were too heavy for just the two of us to move. And besides, we had no time. The sound of footsteps was coming closer. I clung to Sonny’s arm. He put his hand on mine and whispered that it would be ok. That even if we got caught, we wouldn’t be kicked out just for being in a basement.

I listened carefully to the sound. The basement was so silent. After a few moments, a light flashed on Sonny and me. An old man stood in front of us. We looked up at him, waiting for him to say anything. Then he did say something.

“What do you kids think you’re doing down here?” he asked.
“Ummm… where’s the bathroom?” Sonny asked, trying not to laugh. He looked at me. I could tell he wanted me to play along.
“There is a bathroom in your hotel room.” The man said to us. He looked so confused.
“There’s someone in our room.” I lied as I tightened my grip around Sonny’s arm.
“In your room?” the old man asked. “Are you brother and sister?”
“No.” Sonny looked at me and laughed. “We’re not related, yet.”
“Yet?” I yelled. Was he already thinking of being married? I hoped not. We just started dating.
“But you’re in the same room?” the man asked.
“That’s right.” Sonny said. “The same room.”

The man looked at us for a while. Had we gotten away with being down here? It looked like we had. He told us to get back in the elevator and go back to our room. If someone was there, we were to go to the front desk and get help. He got into the elevator with us and we could hear him mumbling something about how we were too young to be together, and how he was sure we were sleeping together.

Sonny and I got back to my hotel room. He opened the door for me, and shut it behind him. He locked it again. I asked him what he thought he was doing. He told me that he was going to sleep in my room tonight, he wouldn’t do anything, but he wanted to be with me. He walked over to me, kissed my head, and then got in bed. It was really late now, and I was getting very tired. I fell asleep with Sonny’s arm around my waist.

[Veggi Girl]

I woke up and Sonny was gone. The door was unchained. I stayed in bed for a while, completely stunned. I didn't know what to do or think. After a little while, Matt walked in. I pulled the covers up to my shoulders. I don't know why, I still had my clothes on from the day before. He looked around the room and then sat in a chair.

"Where's Sonny?" he asked me.
"I- I don't know. I woke up, and, he wasn't here." I replied.
"Maybe he's still gone then... Did you two stay up late?"
"Yes, but we weren't in the room. We walked around the hotel for a while."

We talked for a few more minutes and then I got in the shower. I told Matt that if Sonny came back, to tell him I would be out in a minute. But I was out of the shower before Sonny came back to the room. I was starting to get worried, and Matt could tell. He kept telling me that he was sure that Sonny was fine. He had me pack my bags. He didn't want to stay at the hotel any longer than he had to. He took my bags from me when I was done packing. He told me that Sonny would yell at him if he hadn't taken my bags out to the truck. I told him that I didn't understand why Sonny was so worried about me carrying my own things. I didn't have that much with me.

Matt took my things and while he was gone Sonny walked in. He could tell that I had been worried. He didn't even say anything, just walked over to me and put his arms around me. We stood there for a while. I still didn't know where he had been. It didn't matter now. He was with me, and I didn't need to know anything else.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I tried to get back before you woke up."
"Matt was here." I whispered.
"He was?"
"Yes. He was looking for you."
"I told him where I was going, and that I wanted him to check up on you."
"Well, he did check up on me. But he didn't tell me where you were."

Sonny pulled away. "He didn't tell you?" He looked confused. "I'm so sorry." He said. He kissed me and then held my head in both hands. "This guy called Matt's cell phone. He said he needed an interview, but he didn't know where we were. Matt told him that he couldn't have both of us because one of us needed to stay at the hotel. So the guy asked if it would be ok if I did the interview. I just found out about it this morning. I'm so sorry."

I told him that it was ok. I told him that I was just worried. He said he understood. Matt came up a few minutes later and told us that we needed to leave. So we all got in the truck again. We were all silent for most of the drive.

We finally got to where we were supposed to be. Where that was I had no idea, I just saw tons of busses everywhere. I guess there was a lot going on. I got out of the truck and Derek walked up to Sonny, who was holding my hand. They started talking, I wasn't really listening. I was too busy looking around. Matt leaned over and whispered something to me.

"That's our bus." he said and pointed to one of the busses. I looked at it for a while, and then my focus was suddenly broken by Sonny and Derek.
"So is this the girl then?" Derek asked.
"Oh, yeah. This is Amber." Sonny said as he pulled me closer to him. "I hope you guys don't mind that she's riding along."
"Well, I don't mind." Derek said, and then he looked at me. "I'm Derek." he shook my hand. "Travis is around here somewhere." He looked around to see if he could see Travis. "Well, you'll meet him on the bus anyway."

Sonny and Derek continued talking while we walked to the bus. Matt had everything already loaded when we got there. I guess he was in a hurry. We got on the bus and Sonny and I sat near a window. He and Derek continued to talk. About thirty minutes later Sonny told me to look out the window.

"There's Travis." he said. "I guess the other bands are about ready to leave." Travis walked onto the bus and just stood there for a minute. Then he started talking.

"I forgot you were bringing someone, Sonny." He said. He walked over and shook my hand. "I'm Travis."
"Amber." I said. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. All of this was very new to me. Sonny seemed to understand though. He kissed my cheek and started messing with my hair. I love it when he does that. The guys kind of rolled their eyes. I guess they expected that they would see a lot more kissing. Maybe they were right, but they seemed to understand that Sonny and I liked eachother a lot.

[Veggi Girl]

A few days passed. They guys were adjusting to me being around all the time. I think they were even getting used to seeing Sonny and me randomly sleeping on the couch in the morning. We did that a lot. We would stay up late, just talking, and then fall asleep on the couch. Sometimes one of the guys would get up in the middle of the night and cover us up with one of the blankets that were lying around.

One morning one of the guys from another band brought me a magazine. I don’t even remember which one it was. It was a concert night. The guys were out signing autographs. It was one of the few times that Sonny and I were not together. Anytime we weren’t together, he would always send someone to check on me though. I think he was a little too protective. Sometimes it was a little scary. Anyway, the guy brought me the magazine and told me that I should read one of the articles. I asked him if he wanted to stay for a while, I needed the company. But he said he needed to get back. Back where I don’t know. He left and I sat down to read the article he had showed me. The guy who had done the interview was called Mark I soon found out. I started to read the article out loud.

“Mark: What’s life on tour like?
Sonny: Well, it’s pretty chaotic at times. It’s really great. And on Warped Tour you get to hang out with all these other people. It’s really interesting at times.
Mark: Matt said that you two weren’t with Derek and Travis. Why is that?
Sonny: Well, we wanted to get off the bus, so we took a little road trip. And now we’re trying to get back to the guys.
Mark: Why couldn’t Matt come with you?
Sonny: He’s staying at the hotel with… well, with someone very special to me.
Mark: Who’s this special person?
Sonny: Someone we met on our little trip.
Mark: Does this mean that you have a girlfriend?
Sonny: I hope so. But this doesn’t have anything to do with tour. Does it?
Mark: I guess it really doesn’t.
Sonny: What’s it like asking a bunch of questions?
Mark: Well, I guess people find me annoying.
Sonny: You don’t say.
Mark: It looks like the tables have turned. Let’s get back to the interview.
Sonny: If you say so.
Mark: One thing though. What’s this person’s name?
Sonny: Well, I guess the world’s gonna find out sooner or later. Her name is Amber. And she’s the best thing that’s happened to me since the band.
Mark: Wow. That’s saying a lot.
Sonny: Yes, it is.
Mark: Is she going to read this?
Sonny: I don’t know.
Mark: What’s the weirdest thing to happen to you two so far?
Sonny: We’re still off topic. And this is a little personal. If you want an interview about me and her you should have asked her.
Mark: Right. Sorry. Do you and Derek, Matt, and Travis get along on the bus?
Sonny: It probably wouldn’t be a good thing for people who live and work together to not get along. Don’t you think?
Mark: What are you doing about not having a bassist?
Sonny: We have a friend who is touring with us. She’s going to play during the tour and until we can find a new bassist.
Mark: Well I think that’s all of the questions I have. Good luck this year.
Sonny: Thanks.”

Sonny told someone about me? I wasn’t mad. It was nice to know he wasn’t afraid to let people know about us. And I guess now it was official. We were together. And Sonny was keeping our privacy too. He wouldn’t say anything that he thought I wouldn’t want people to know. Well, I guess now it was finally out.

Sonny and the guys walked in the bus while I still had the magazine in my hands. Sonny sat down next to me and looked at the pages. I think he was a little scared about what I thought about the whole thing. He was looking at me like he wanted me to show him some sign of approval. Some sign that showed that I wasn’t mad about him talking about me.

“Does this mean we’re officially together?” I smiled and asked. Sonny smiled back at me and gave me a kiss. Derek and Travis rolled their eyes and then went to the kitchen area and started drinking a ton of juice. It made me laugh.

Matt got yet another call on his cell phone. This time it was from Mikey Way. They wanted to meet up with us sometime. Mikey said that he had just read the interview that Sonny had did. Sonny laughed and said that great news travels fast. It was so weird. Mikey also said that the bands should get together on stage for something. He said Frankie thought it would be fun. As soon as Matt had said something about Frankie, my first thought was to call my friend Taylor. It was really weird. I just thought she should know. So I got out my cell phone and called her.

“Hey, ummm, Tay?” I said when she answered the phone. “You’ll never guess where I am.”
“I was just about to fucking call you! Was that you in that interview?” She sounded really hyper.
“Umm, yeah, but that’s not why I’m calling.”
“Oh, what?”
“My Chemical Romance wants to meet with From First To Last sometime.”
“Oh my God! You’re gonna meet Frankie?”

This went on for a while. Sonny started laughing. He told Matt that Tay and I sounded like two little school girls telling gossip, only this was true. Then he told me that I should invite my friend out the day that My Chemical Romance meets with them. I told Taylor. I think she almost died. Sonny took the phone and told her that he would figure everything out, but that I had to get off the phone because he wanted to talk to me.

Sonny and I got off the bus and started walking around. Neither of us said anything for a long time. We just held hands and kicked the dirt around. After a while Sonny finally broke the silence.

“Am, do you love me?” he asked. This was the second time he asked me a question that I thought was completely ridiculous.
“Of coarse I do. Why?” I replied.
“Well, I’ve been thinking…”
“Ummm, about what?”
“About us. It’s nothing big. But I think that if we can make it through tour together, then we can make it through anything. Ya know?”
“Well, I don’t really know. But why would you think we can’t make it anyway?”
“I don’t know.” He looked at me and smiled. “Just being crazy I guess.”

We kept walking and talking. Then out of no where Sonny pushed me up against one of the busses. He put both of his hands in my hair and kissed me. He pulled away long enough to say “I love you” and then we went back to making out. After a while a guy from another band asked us to stop making out near his bus because we were leaning on the door. Sonny and I laughed and headed back to the From First To Last bus. As soon as we walked in Matt asked us if we were having sex. Derek and Travis were sitting at the table drinking soda. Matt was so blunt that it made soda come out of Derek’s nose. This made Travis laugh so hard that soda came out of his nose. Sonny told Matt that they couldn’t because we were leaning on a door. I don’t really think Matt got it. He looked really confused.

[Veggi Girl]

The day seemed to last forever. I was starting to get really bored. You would think that being on a bus with From First To Last would eliminate any sign of boredom. Well, that's what you would think anyway. The only thing that kept me living was Sonny. I could tell that Matt thought we were moving a little too fast. He kept looking at Sonny, and he would take Sonny away from me for hours at a time. And when Sonny got back, he would hold my hand and tell me that everything was fine. It started to make me a little worried. I mean, why wouldn't everything be fine? I decided that I needed to have a little talk with Matt. So I asked him if we could talk outside, away from Sonny, Derek, and Travis.

"What's wrong?" he asked. It was almost like he could tell that something was bothering me. And it seemed strange to me that he even cared.
"Nothing's really wrong." I said. "I just needed to clear some things up."
"Like what?" he was looking around, not at me. I kept telling myself that that was what made Matt and Sonny different. Sonny would look at me while I talked, and Matt wouldn't. I told myself that because of this, I had no reason to worry about what Sonny was doing. But still, I guess I needed the comfort of hearing it from Matt.
"Well, are you mad that Sonny and I are together?"
“No, it’s just a little weird I guess.” He acted really strange. I could tell he was choosing his words very carefully.
“Well, I was just wondering because you take Sonny away all the time.”
“We did that before you came along.”
“Well, why does he keep telling me everything is fine when he gets back?” I asked.
“Because he’s so damn worried that you’ll think something is going on.”
“Oh…”
“Look.” Matt said. He wasn’t trying to be mean, I could tell now that he really cared that Sonny was happy with me. “You’re just moving faster than the average couple. Sonny’s always been one step ahead of everyone, and I guess it’s even true for his relationships. But he needs to stay focused on the band. We’re going to sound terrible if he doesn’t get some time away from you. That’s all. If it makes you feel any better, you’re all he talks about. It’s actually kind of annoying.”

I felt better after that. I guess I had Matt all wrong. He did care about Sonny and me. He was just as worried as I was. We talked a while as we walked back to the bus. Sonny was waiting for me. I could see him through the window. I guess I hadn’t realized that we had been gone for over an hour. Sonny met me at the door and practically pulled me over to the couch. He made me sit down and he started checking my arms and neck. I don’t know what he thought Matt and I were doing. I guess he didn’t want me alone with any guy.

Later that day the guys were getting ready for a concert. Sonny and I were in the back of the bus. Our little sleeping area. I was supposed to be backstage, hanging out with a few girls who had somehow gotten backstage tickets. I didn’t really want to talk to them. I just wanted be there for Sonny. I sat our sleeping area while Sonny changed. I started messing with pictures that were on the nightstand. I listened to him talk about what we were doing after the concert. We would stand around a while, the band would sign autographs. He wanted me to wait for him there. He thought that if people wanted pictures of us for magazines, they could take pictures there. Then we would go to a bar. He said that Matt could get us in, and that no one would kick us out because we were with the band. I was pretty bored during the entire conversation.

Concert time came. I met with the three girls. They said their names were Maria, Jane, and Cara. They were pretty boring too. I tried as hard as I could to be nice, but I found that I had a lot of trouble. During the band's break Sonny came back and all three girls practically pushed him over screaming that they wanted autographs. I thought I heard one of the girls ask him to marry him. I laughed as Sonny signed autographs and then walked over to me. The girls looked crushed. I almost felt bad from them.

After the concert the guys signed autographs and then we went to the bar. Alicia was on the phone with Mikey Way almost the entire time. Sonny and I were hardly ever apart. I kept asking when My Chemical Romance would be visiting. Sonny told me that he would make sure that my friend Taylor got here in time to visit with them. I couldn't wait to get back on the bus. I just wanted away from everyone. Sonny kept saying that he was suprised that I didn't bond with the guys more. He told me that they wouldn't hurt me or anything, and if they did, he would just leave the band. I told him that it wasn't that I didn't like the guys, it was just that I wanted to be with Sonny as much as I could. After while, he decided that he and I should go back to the bus.

[Veggi Girl]

Sonny and I got back to the bus. The lights were out. It was just the two of us, well, I thought it was just the two of us. I pushed Sonny up against the wall and kissed him. He ran his fingers through my hair and then kissed me back. I thought maybe I was ready. Well, that's what I thought. Right in the middle of Sonny kissing my neck the lights went on. It freaked me out so much that I jumped back and almost fell over, but Sonny grabbed me before I fell. I looked around to see how the lights got on.

"TAYLOR!" I yelled. There she was, standing right next to the light switch. I almost fell over again.
"You have no idea how stupid planes are." She said walking over to the table and sitting down.
"Hey shortie, you made it! Haven't seen you in a while." Sonny said walking over to her.

I was a little confused for a while. Then I remembered that Tay had said something about meeting Sonny before. What I didn't know, was that they had been talking online for a while. It didn't bother me much. I mean, of coarse it was a little strange that my boyfriend and my friend knew eachother before Sonny and I met, but this cut down a lot of the small talk. They hugged eachother like they had been friends forever. Again, it didn't really bother me much, especially now that I had talked to Matt. I just couldn't believe that she was actually here.

Sonny got up and brought me over to the table. I guess I was so suprised that he got her here so quick that I was having trouble moving. I guess I had trouble breathing too, because Sonny kept telling me to relax. I finally did get relaxed enough to talk again. Sonny and I sat together at a table while Tay and Sonny talked mostly about what would happen when Alicia went to be with Mikey Way.

"She's leaving with them when My Chemical Romance leaves." Sonny said. "And I have no idea what we're going to do."
"She plays bass?" Taylor asked.
"Yep." I said. "I'd do it, but I can't play." I looked at Sonny. He had told me he would teach me guitar, and he hadn't yet. He knew what I was thinking about.
"Sorry." He said. "Even if you could play, I wouldn't let you. I don't want you up there with those people looking at you."
"I can do it." Taylor said.
"I don't know Tay. I don't really like the idea of you being up there. You're kinda like family."
"Aww, come on Sonny. It's not like anyone's gonna be able to hurt me up there." Taylor continued.
"You never know. I ran into a drum. What would happen if you did something like that?"
"I'd say, 'hey, I ran into a drum.'"

After a lot of arguing, Sonny agreed to talk to the guys about letting Taylor play for the rest of the tour. Sonny didn't question why Taylor and I knew eachother. I found out later that he had been talking to her while I had been talking to Matt, and he found out then. I guess Tay explained everything. When I tried to tell Sonny that it was the first time I had actually seen Taylor in person, he just shrugged and told me he knew already.

Derek, Matt, and Travis came back later that night. Alicia was with them but I hardly ever saw her. She was always on the phone with Mikey. I understood that. The few times we did hang out we were doing eachother's make-up. Sonny said that we reminded him of little girls at a slumber party. Alicia was quickly becoming a really great friend, and it was kind of sad to know that she would be leaving. But Sonny had the guys listen to Taylor, and they decided that they had to let her play for two reasons. One, she was really good. And two, they wouldn't be able to find anyone else on short notice. And My Chemical Romance would be here in a few days.

Sonny started teaching me guitar that night too. It was something to do instead of having sex. And Matt approved of this. Sonny made sure that I understood that he still wouldn't let me play on stage. I didn't mind. Learning the guitar was a great way to pass the time. And I wouldn't have an excuse to be bored.

[Veggi Girl]

We fell asleep really late that night. Sonny fell asleep before I did. I watched him breathe. I know that sounds stalkerish, but I love him. I loved how he made me feel. I loved that he wasn’t rushing me for anything. I loved everything about him. I reached for his hand. He woke up. Damn it. He wasn’t supposed to wake up. I didn’t want to disturb him.

“Am, what’s wrong?” He whispered.
“I can’t sleep.” I replied. I guess there was something wrong. I just couldn’t explain the feeling.
“Is there something I can do?”
“I- I don’t know.”
“I don’t want you to be awake by yourself.”
“I don’t want you to lose sleep.”

He kissed my cheek and started softly singing. He pushed the hair out of my eyes and smiled as he sang. He meant so much to me. How could I tell him that? I couldn’t put the feeling into words, and I was still afraid about having sex. That’s what most couples did, well, I thought anyway, when they love each other. I had a lot of friends that had sex, and I had a few that were still virgins. It didn’t matter, I figured. It was what was right for Sonny and I that mattered. And Matt was right. Sonny needed to concentrate on the band more than me for a while.

In the middle of Sonny singing Emily, only using my name, I told him that I love him. He stopped singing. I had told him I love him before, but there was something different about this time. He kissed me and told me that he loves me too. He said that he knew we would be together forever. It scared me when he said that. Most people who say that don’t last very long. He assured me that we weren’t like other couples. We knew what was best for each other and us as a couple. He said he would put me before his music. I couldn’t help but think that, even though this was the nicest thing anyone could do for me, his band had been with him longer. Sure, when you start loving someone, they’re supposed to come first. But I kept thinking that this was what Matt was afraid of. That Sonny would get so interested in me that he would leave the band. That was the last thing I wanted. Sonny’s band made him happy.

He told me that I was the one he wanted to marry, eventually. He knew that we had only been dating a few weeks, and that Matt thought we were moving too fast. I guess this was a secret engagement. An unofficial one. He didn’t want Matt to get worried. And I didn’t want to hear Matt give us another lecture. I hadn’t said yes, but he knew that I would. Why did his career make everything so difficult? It didn’t matter. I love him. And he loves me.

The next morning I woke up, and again, Sonny wasn’t in the room. I put on a robe and walked into the kitchen area and saw Sonny sitting on the couch talking to Taylor. I told them both good morning. Taylor said good morning and Sonny got up and kissed me. He asked me if I was feeling better. I told him I was.

“Taylor knows.” He whispered.
“Knows what?” I asked.
“About us being together.”
“What?”
“Are you mad?”
“No, I’m trying to figure out what exactly you told her.”
“Oh, I just told her that I want to marry you.”
“Oh, that.”
“What did you think I told her?”
“I don’t know.” We were talking in a normal voice now.
“You guys know I can hear you. Right?” Taylor said.
“Who wants breakfast? I told the guys we would meet them.” Sonny said.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Ummm… There’s this food court type thing a few blocks away. That’s where they said they wanted to go.”

So we left. Sonny and I held hands, like always. And Taylor was catching up with Sonny on some things. I guess Sonny hadn’t been online because of all the traveling. We met Derek, Travis, and Matt at the food court and had breakfast. We didn’t talk much. I think Matt could tell something was up. Derek and Travis didn’t really seem to care much what Sonny and I did. I kind of liked it that way. Dealing with Matt was enough. Taylor tried anything to get Matt not focused on Sonny and me. She was constantly changing the topic. Not that that wasn’t unusual. She was always very random. But she was making sure that Matt had no time to think about one thing too long.

We all got back to the bus. Alicia was sitting on the couch, yet again, on the phone. She said that My Chemical Romance was a day ahead of schedule. They would be here in two days. I could tell Tay was excited. Alicia was happy about it too. She didn’t want to stop playing, but she missed Mikey. We understood. And besides, she said that Taylor was more than good enough to take her spot on stage. The busses started moving again, and we were on our way again.

[Veggi Girl]

Almost everyone was bored. Sony was teaching me to play guitar. He sat behind me and made sure I was actually playing it right. I messed up a lot on purpose just to get him to touch my hands. I think Taylor could tell because she kept laughing. Matt caught on too. He and Tay would whisper things to each other. I think Sonny probably knew too, but he didn’t mind. Besides, he could use this as an excuse to be close to me, and Matt couldn’t say that we were moving too fast.

Derek and Travis were talking about making the next record. They threw crazy ideas around. Alicia was in and out of the room. She carried her phone around as if it were attached to her hand. I saw her put it down maybe once or twice. I kind of felt bad for her. I knew she loves Mikey. And now I knew what love was like. I don’t think I could have spent a day without Sonny. And Alicia had spent several without Mikey.

The days passed by quick enough. And then My Chemical Romance came. Well, sort of. They were following us. Taylor, Alicia, and I kept looking out the window to see if they were still there. The guys thought it was hilarious. Matt liked it because I wasn’t “all over Sonny” as he put it. I think Derek and Travis were just happy that we weren’t being mushy at the moment.

The busses stopped soon. We all got out of our bus and My Chemical Romance got out of their van. Yes, they were in a van. You would think that they would want a bus. I mean, they would be staying a few days. Right? Well, I guess they wanted to try the whole van thing. I didn’t really get it. I figured that it would get painful in there. Especially at night with everyone trying to sleep. I figured Alicia would have a problem with sleeping in front of all the guys, but she didn’t. She said that if I knew half the things that Derek and Travis did, I wouldn’t be surprised that she doesn’t care.

Anyway, Alicia and Mikey were cute together. They invited Sonny and I to hang out with them sometime. Like a double date I guess. I wasn’t really paying attention. Everyone looked like they were happy. Well, except for Frankie, who looked like he was entirely too depressed to talk. I felt really bad for him, but I didn’t want to ask what was wrong. I thought maybe it would be best if I didn’t say anything. Besides, I had just met him. How was I supposed to help? Sonny could tell that I was thinking about it. He told me that he would tell me later, and that I shouldn’t worry about it. It wasn’t going to do any good for everyone to get all worked up about it. I smiled and nodded.

Matt kept asking Taylor questions, and then pointing to Sonny and me. I wondered what that was about. Matt caught me looking their way once or twice. I don’t know what he thought I was doing. I shrugged it off and rested my head on Sonny’s shoulder. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer while he talked to Gerard. I think I almost fell asleep standing up, and Gerard could tell. He kept laughing when I opened my eyes after they had been shut for a while.

“Do you need to go to sleep?” Sonny asked as he kissed my forehead. I guess he figured out what Gerard was laughing about.
“No, I’m fine.” I replied. I didn’t want to leave him, and I didn’t want him to feel like he had to come with me.
“You sure?”
“Uh-huh.” I smiled and put my hand on the his other shoulder, the one my head wasn’t on.
“Ok. If you need to go back to the bus, just let me know.” He kissed my head again and then started talking to Gerard.

We walked around and our two groups talked. I found it all very boring. It wasn’t that I didn’t like My Chemical Romance, because they are one of my favorite bands. It was just that the conversation was dull. We eventually got back to the busses, and My Chemical Romance’s van. Alicia got in the van with Mikey. The bus kind of seemed empty without her. Sure, I hardly ever saw her when she was on the bus, but I always knew she was there. And now I knew she wasn’t there. It felt like a huge change, when it wasn’t much different at all. Taylor slept where Alicia had slept, so really, there was more room than before. Besides, it wasn’t like Alicia was completely gone yet. She was following the our bus.

I went to the area that was for Sonny and me, and I took a nap. Sonny came and woke me up because he was worried. Well, he said that he was worried. He told me I had been sleeping for about five hours, and that I shouldn’t be this tired, and that I probably should eat something because I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. I looked at my watch. It was almost three in the afternoon. He felt my head, no fever. He asked if I felt like I had to throw up. No, I wasn’t feeling sick, just very tired. He told me that he wouldn’t be able to sing if he knew I was sick. I assured him that I was fine. Just tired, I had told him. He told me to eat some soup, so I did. He made it for me, and brought it to me. Then he stayed there to make sure I ate it. I kind of felt like he was trying to control me, but I knew he just wanted to make sure I would be ok. After I ate, I went back to sleep, and pretty much slept the rest of the day and into the night.

[Veggi Girl]

(I wrote two scene things this time)


I woke up the next morning, and Sonny was sitting there looking at me. I have to admit, it was kinda scary, but I watched him when he sleeps, so I didn't think it was too disturbing. When my eyes opened he leaned forward and pushed my hair away from my face.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked. I wasn't feeling sick before, but I told him that I was feeling better. At least I wasn't tired now.
"It's so quiet." I whispered.
"We're the only ones on the bus. We stopped, and Tay and Alicia are practicing, and the guys are just hanging out somewhere."
"And you're not with them?" I felt so bad. I didn't want Sonny to be stuck on the bus because of me.
"I just didn't want to leave you alone." he said.

Oh great, he was there because of me. I felt so horrible. I didn't want to tell him though, because I figured that it would make him feel bad. And that wouldn't be good. So, what was I to do? I didn't have much time to think. Sonny held my hand and started talking again.

"I'm glad you're feeling better Am. I wanted to talk to you. If you think you're up to it that is." he said.
"Yeah, I can talk." I sat up in the bed. "What about?"
"Well, about how long we have to be dating until we can come out and tell people we want to get married."

Oh wow, he said the "m" word. I have to say, I was a little freaked out. We had been dating about a month unofficially I had guessed. I guess the word itself didn't scare me, it was more of, how would the band take it. And, had we decided on getting married? We were only 18, still very young. Sonny seemed so sure of himself though. It was reassuring.

"What will Matt think?" I asked softly.
"Who cares what Matt thinks?" He replied. "You love me. Don't you?"
"Yes, I love you. But I don't want the guys to feel like I've changed everything."
"But you HAVE changed everything. And you changed it for the better."

I told him that if he asked me, I mean REALLY asked me to marry him, then I would. And I wouldn't care who he told. He smiled and held something out. Oh My God, was he doing this now? Yes, he was. He sat facing me. My left hand in his right hand.

“Oh God, I’m really nervous.” He said. It Was so sweet. He was actually nervous? He knew I would say yes. “Ok. I had everything planned out, and now I’ve forgotten it all.” He continued. I couldn’t believe it. He didn’t seem this nervous before he went on stage, but he was nervous when it was just the two of us? It didn’t make sense, but then again, the things Sonny does don’t normally make a lot of sense. He went on, “I know we’ve only been together about a month, but I can’t imagine living without you.” He paused. “You know, this speech was so much better in my head.” He said. It made me laugh, which loosened the tension in the room. “Well, will you marry me?” I told him that nothing would make me happier than to spend the rest of my life with him, and he slid a ring on my finger. Then he kissed me, and right in the middle of the kiss, Matt walked in.

Wait, Matt was supposed to be gone. What was he doing here? I guess he could see the ring, because he stood in the doorway with his mouth dropped open. He stood there for a while, and then backed out of the room. Sonny and I looked at each other and laughed, even though we were sure that we would be getting a long talk later.

~~~

Sonny and I sat in our room area for the longest time. We talked about what Matt would say. I guess we were making fun of him. We thought he really needed to loosen up. A little while later, Taylor knocked on our door.

“You two dressed?” she laughed.
“Yes, we’re fine.” Sonny said. “Just avoiding Matt for the moment.”
“Then I can come in?” she asked.
“Yep.” He replied.

Taylor came in and she asked us why we were avoiding Matt. Sonny told her that he came in almost right after he had proposed to me. She congratulated us even though she knew that Sonny was going to ask me to marry him. Then she told us that Matt wanted to talk to Sonny.

Oh no, it was going to start. The long lectures. I was sure we were going to die. I didn’t think Matt really liked me, even as a friend. But he knew that Sonny liked me, and I guess that was enough for him. He just didn’t want us to move so fast. Sonny left the room and Taylor and I talked for a while.

“Do you have any idea why Frankie’s so sad?” She asked.
“I think Sonny said something about his girlfriend. I guess they’re going through some problems.” I replied.
“Oh, so, is he going to break up with her?”
“I’m not really sure. I haven’t really talked to him much, and Sonny said that it’s not his place to tell me these things.”
“Oh.”

Sonny came back in the room and Taylor left. Sonny started telling me what Matt had said. I guess Matt didn’t think that Sonny and I getting married was a good idea. Sonny told me that he didn’t care what Matt thought. He knew we were right for each other. It was good to hear Sonny talk about how sure he was of us being together. Then he told me that Matt wanted to talk to me. I didn’t want to go talk to him, but it was important to Sonny that I talked with Matt. So I left the room and met Matt outside.

“What’s up?” I asked, trying not to sound nervous.
“I guess you and Sonny are engaged.” He said. He didn’t seem nervous at all.
“Umm, yeah. We are. Is there a problem?”
“Well, I just think it’s a mistake. That’s all.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Well, you’ve only known each other about a month or so. You haven’t spent that much time together.”
“I love him. Does that mean nothing?” I asked. It really didn’t need an answer. I went on. “Nothing you can do or say is going to split Sonny and I up. I don’t know why you even bother. I thought you wanted him to be happy. If I’m what makes him happy, you should be happy for us.”
“I just think you should wait.” Matt said after a long silence. “I don’t want to see him get hurt.”
“I’m not going to hurt him. He means too much to me.”

We walked back to the bus in silence. I think he finally understood Sonny and me, and that he wouldn’t be able to change the way we feel about each other. I knew that Matt and I would never be the best of friends, but we both knew that we would have to learn to get along, for Sonny’s sake.

We got back to the bus and I saw Taylor talking to Frankie a few feet away. I heard them say something about Frankie’s girlfriend. I guess if Frankie needed someone to talk to, Tay would be the one to go to.

I didn’t watch them for long because Sonny came running out of the bus and hugged me. I told him it was ok, and that he was acting like he thought he would never see me again. He whispered in my ear that he thought Matt would try to convince me that being together was not a good idea. I guess Matt overheard because he admitted to trying to change my mind. I think Sonny got a little angry with him then. He took my hand and led me on the bus. He didn’t speak to Matt the rest of the night. The busses and My Chemical Romance’s van stayed parked for the night.

[Veggi Girl]

Early in the morning, it was around four I guessed, Sonny woke me up. He said that he was having trouble sleeping. He didn't want Matt to be this difficult to be around. They had to perform together. Tension on stage wouldn't be a great thing he said. He told me that if Matt wanted to be like this, then Sonny didn't want to be in the band. I tried to tell him that nothing Matt could say could make me love Sonny less. I told him we would work through it, that I didn't want him to throw away his career over a little argument. I didn't want to be the cause of all of this. This was exactly what I was afraid of. Matt and Sonny acting like they were. I wanted to cry because I was the girl who did this. I knew Derek and Travis would be mad at me now too. Oh God, why was this happening? Everything was perfect, and it all turned to shit.

A few days passed with Sonny and Matt not speaking to each other. Well, I shouldn’t say that because they did speak, but when they spoke they were exchanging insults, which I guess is better than not speaking at all. My Chemical Romance and Alicia had left for New Jersey. I noticed that Taylor was almost always on the phone with Frankie. I wanted to know what was going on with the them, but I figured that I should get Matt and Sonny talking again. Even the smallest step would be helpful. They just had to say something without insults. But how could I make things better?

Sonny and Matt were yelling at each other in the kitchen area one day. I wasn’t in there, but I could hear them from the back room. I could hear Taylor, Derek, and Travis trying to break up the verbal fight. They weren’t having much luck.

“I can’t believe you!” Matt yelled. “You’re acting like a child!”
“I’m acting like a child?!?!” Sonny yelled back. “You’re the one who’s making a huge deal out of this! You don’t see the guys or Taylor mad about this!”
“Ok, calm down!” I heard Derek say.
“Yeah, just cool it! The bus is too small for this noise and you’re going to make the other bands wonder.” Taylor said.
“Let them think!” Matt yelled. “Let them think whatever the fuck they want! He’s ruining his life!”

This continued for what seemed like hours. I didn’t want to be there. That’s how horrible I felt about this entire thing. I didn’t understand why it was so hard for Matt to accept Sonny and me. I guess I’ll never understand. I wanted out. I wanted away from the yelling, away from the bus. I wanted life to end.

I started doing something that I really regret. I knew that Travis kept a pocket knife under his pillow, so when everyone was trying to get Sonny and Matt to be calm, I went in his room and took it. I know now that it was a bad choice to make. It was stealing, and worse than that, I was going to use the knife to force all of the pain I was feeling inside of me, to the outside. The blade was dull, it didn’t do much. Enough for my wrists to bleed. It wouldn’t leave a scar. It wasn’t sharp enough for that. I cut each wrist once. Went to the bathroom to get a few paper towels, and put pressure on the wounds to stop the bleeding. I looked at my wrists when I was done. How was I going to explain this to Sonny? I was almost sure that he wouldn’t understand. And when he found out, would he want to marry me anymore?

I looked around for something to wear around my arms so that no one would notice. I found a pair of black glove things. Those ones with the fingers cut out of them. Sonny wore them a lot but he had gotten a new pair, so I had been wearing them around for fun. I figured that because I wore them often enough, no one would question why I had them on. I snuck back into Travis' room and put the knife back, after cleaning it of coarse. Then I went back and took a short nap. I didn't know what else to do. I hated what I had just done. I wished that I could take it back.

It was a concert night. Matt and Sonny only got along on stage. And sometimes it didn't seem like the liked each other then. Taylor was amazing up there. She didn't look nervous at all. I knew she was though, she told me she was before she went on stage. I was backstage, watching the love of my life perform. I didn't want him to find out what I did, but I knew that I couldn't keep it from him. The problem was, finding the right time to tell him. I didn't want to tell him tonight, he had enough trouble dealing with Matt.

The concert ended. It was great. I don't think anyone in the audience figured out that Sonny and Matt were fighting. Everyone loved Taylor. It seemed like it was a great success. And then it all came down. Sonny and I walked behind everyone else back to the bus. We were really far behind, but Sonny said that was ok because it meant people weren't watching us. He was holding my hand and he asked me if I was cold. I told him no and asked why. He told me that my arms were shaking. I knew why I was shaking. It was because I was nervous to be around him now that I had cut myself. It wasn't from lack of blood. I had to tell him then.

"Sonny, I-" I began but his hand slipped and he reached to grab my hand, and he got my wrist. I froze for a second in pain. He asked me what was wrong and I began to speak but he grabbed my other wrist and I froze in pain again. He told me to be quiet. I had never heard him speak to me so forcefully. I didn't say a word. He took the gloves off of my hands. He looked for a moment. I guess he was in shock. Then he threw the gloves to the ground and turned my arms so that my wrists were facing me and he started yelling.

"What is this?" he began. "THIS is not you! WHY? WHY did YOU do THIS?!"

Tears were coming from his eyes. I did what I told Matt I wouldn't do. I hurt the only person I ever really loved. How could I have done such a thing? I made myself sick. I didn't want to be around myself anymore. I blamed myself for everything. I was the reason that Sonny and Matt were mad at each other. I was the reason Derek and Travis had to calm them down. I was the reason that Taylor had to put up with all of this. And I was the reason Sonny was holding my arms and crying. And then, I started to cry too.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." I whispered. All I could do was whisper. If I tried to talk any louder, he wouldn't have been able to understand me because I was also crying. "You and Matt were arguing. I- I just couldn't take it anymore." I told him how I did it, why I did it, and that I felt horrible after I did it. I told him how I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. I know it must have been difficult for him to listen to all of this. When I finished telling him everything, we stood in silence for what seemed like centuries. It was probably only about five minutes. He asked me if it still hurts and I told him yes. The tears were still streaming from his eyes. I hated that I had done this to him. How was I supposed to live with myself after this? He picked up the gloves and told me to put them back on. He didn't want Matt seeing me this way. I said that I was sorry about a million times on the way back to the bus. Sonny told me that we would talk about it later, that he needed to think right now. I told him I understood.

Trying to sleep that night was horrible. I couldn't think about anything but what I had done, how I had hurt Sonny, how I didn't deserve him. I got about two hours of sleep. Sonny got less I'm sure. He sat up playing the guitar and working on a song. I was so afraid of what would happen to us.

[Veggi Girl]

The next morning was awkward. I told Taylor about my wrists. I couldn’t tell if she was surprised or not. She said that she could tell I had been stressed, and that she was sure Sonny and I would work through it. She said that anyone who saw us together could tell that we are in love. She said something like this wouldn’t kill a relationship like ours. She told me it would be hard to get through it, but it would be worth it.

I knew she was right. I had to talk to Sonny. We were going to get through this. I went to search for him. I found him talking to Derek and another band on the tour. Sonny saw me heading his way. He started walking towards me. He put his hands on my face and kissed me.

“I don’t blame you.” He whispered.
“But you should blame me.” I whispered back.

We walked to a quiet area. A place where no one could hear us. He told me that he blamed Matt and himself for what I did. He said that if he and Matt could have talked things through, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I told him that he needed to blame me. I made everything worse. I told him I wanted to work through this. I told him that I wouldn’t do this kind of thing again. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before Matt thought we were moving too fast. He told me he would talk to Matt.

I walked back to the bus alone. Travis was there. I told him I was sorry. He seemed confused at first. Then I told him that I took his knife. I told him he needed to hide it. Somewhere I couldn’t find it. He told me that Sonny had told him about what I did, and that if I wanted to do it again, I would just get a knife from the kitchen. He told me that he would hide his though, if I thought it would help. He told me that he would help Sonny and me through this. He said that Sonny and I were made for each other. He gave me a hug and went to hide his knife. I sat on the couch. Waiting for Sonny to come back.

About an hour passed, and I hadn't seen Sonny. I looked at the gloves that I was still wearing so that people wouldn't get ideas. How could I have done that? The strange thing was, looking back on it, the cuts didn't hurt as much then as they did now. I looked out the window and saw Matt walking up to the bus. Oh great, now what was going to happen? He came in and sat by me on the couch and told me to take of the gloves. I told him I didn't want to.

"Just do it!" He said, really forceful. So I did. He looked at my wrists and I looked out the window. I didn't want to know what he was going to do. He ran two fingers across the cut on my right wrist and I pulled my arm away and told him not to do that because it still hurt. "Give me your hands." He said. I told him not to touch me. He said that he wouldn't touch the cuts again. He just wanted to see. I thought it was weird, but I let him see my wrists anyway. Sonny would have wanted me to. After a while he said, "Sonny told me why you did it, and I'm sorry." I looked up at him. He cared? "Sonny loves you, and I can't change that." He continued. "And I'm sorry that I tried to change it." He kept looking at my wrists and then he looked up at me. "DON'T do this again."

Matt gave me a hug and then went away. I was so confused. I put the gloves back on. I guess I still felt safe with them on. People couldn't see my cuts. It made things a little easier I suppose. Well, easier for me, I didn't know how everyone else was feeling. I looked out the window and Sonny was walking up to the bus. He came in and sat next to me. He hugged me, and I could tell he didn't want to let go. I didn't want him to let go. He started whispering to me. Telling me how worried he was about me. How he should have paid more attention to what I was doing, and not what Matt was doing. I told him that it was ok. I didn't want him to have to be constantly worried about me. He needed to pay attention to his band, I understood that. I didn't want him to change everything for me.

[Veggi Girl]

A few days passed, everyone was doing much better. Sonny and Matt were getting along for the most part. Matt was even getting along with me. He always asked how my wrists were doing. I still hid them with the gloves. Sonny made me take them off every once in a while to make sure that I wasn't still cutting myself.

Taylor was on the phone less now. She was almost always talking to Matt. It looked like they were begining to be good friends. I think Sonny was a little jealous. I tried to tell him that Taylor was still his friend, she just needed to talk to someone other than Sonny.

One day I found myself sitting on the couch talking about nothing in particular to Taylor. We started out talking about Sonny, and it moved onto the subject of Matt.

"Then Matt asked me to go out with him." Taylor said. She looked kind of confused.
"Well what did you say?" I asked.
"I told him I thought of him as more of a brother than a boyfriend. I don't think he took it so well."

I have to admit, hearing that Matt wanted to go out with Taylor made me a little mad. I mean, this was the guy who didn't want Sonny and me going out for the longest time. Sure, he was getting used to the idea now. I know age doesn't matter, but Matt is older than Sonny, and Tay is younger than me, and Sonny and I are almost the exact same age. My question was, where did Matt get off thinking that he and Tay would be a better idea that Sonny and me? I guess I shouldn't say he thought it was better, because I didn't really know, but I thought it was weird that he and Taylor going out would be ok, but Sonny and I were not ok. It just didn't make sense to me, but later that day, when I was outside kicking around some dirt, Matt came up to me.

"Hey, do you think Taylor would go out with me?" he asked.
"Didn't you already ask her?" I replied.
"Well, yes, but I thought maybe she was just nervous."
"Matt, she thinks of you as a brother. Besides, I'm pretty sure she likes Frankie."
"IERO?!?!"
"Yeah."
"Why? I mean, why do you think that?" he seemed really upset.
"Matt, have you seen her lately? She talks to Frankie just about every day." I said.
"You and Sonny belong together by the way. I don't think I've told you that yet." He said after a long pause, and then he walked away.

I was completely confused. I looked down at my wrists, which were still covered. Whenever Matt said something nice about Sonny and me, I always thought of that day. That day that everything changed. My wrists didn't hurt as bad. Well, physically anyway, emotionally, I was still a mess.

While I was still outside, Sonny came up behind me and put his arms around me. I smiled but said nothing. He asked me what was wrong, why I was out there by myself. I told him that nothing was really wrong, I was out there because I had nothing else to do. I had been constantly trying to learn the guitar, and I needed a break. He asked me if I was planning on being backstage at their concert tonight, and I told him yes, I had planned on it. He smiled and took my hand, and walked me back to the bus. He told me I needed to get some sleep.

[Veggi Girl]

I slept, not very long, about an hour or so. When I woke up, the only person on the bus was Travis. Things had been awkward between us. We couldn’t look at each other for more than two seconds. I guess he decided that we needed to sort things out because he told me to sit down on the couch. I sat down and looked out the window. He told me to wait there and he would be back in a minute. I was really confused.

Travis came back like he said he would. He sat down next to me and looked out the window with me. I asked him if he knew where Sonny was. He told me that Sonny went to look for Matt. He said that Sonny wanted to talk to Matt and Taylor about a new song that he had written. He had already talked to Travis and Derek about it I guessed. Travis said it wasn’t important. He said that I shouldn’t worry about it, that Sonny would be back soon enough.

Travis asked me if he could see my wrists. I reluctantly took the gloves off of my hands and turned my wrists so he could see them. He looked at my wrists. He asked if I was doing any better. I told him that I was. I was doing much better, I just wished that it hadn’t have happened. He told me that it was ok. He told me that I couldn’t change what happened, and that it wasn’t entirely my fault, that he understood why I went into his room to get the knife, and that he had forgiven me.

We talked for a while, until Sonny came back. Sonny told me to put the gloves back on. He told me that the cuts were still visible, and he didn’t want anyone on the tour knowing about it. He said that it was no one’s business and he didn’t want rumors to start. Travis tried to tell Sonny that it wouldn’t matter if anyone saw because most people have or have thought about cutting themselves. Still, Sonny felt better when I had the gloves on, so I put them back on.

Travis got out of the bus leaving Sonny and I alone. Sonny sat on the couch and looked at me as I looked out the window. I kept looking at him and then at the window to see if he was still watching me. He held my hand and moved closer to me.

“What are you thinking?” he asked me.
“I don’t know. I guess just wondering what you were up to a while ago.” I replied. “Travis said you were looking for Matt.”
“It’s not important.”
“That’s what Travis said.”
“Come on, what’s really wrong Am?” he asked.
“I don’t really know. We’re not the same since…” My voice trailed off. I looked at Sonny and smiled. “It doesn’t matter though. I still love you.”

He put his arm around my waist and told me that he loves me too, and that he always will. He kissed me and told me that he needed to get ready for the concert. He went into our room and changed. He came out and sat down with me again. His cell phone rang. It was Derek. We were supposed to meet the band backstage in an hour. So Sonny and I left the bus, and started walking.